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10 rules to having a successful first date

Last updated on 18 November 2021

1 Asking someone out

The first point of entry in finding a romantic partner is to ask them out. There are two ways of doing this. You can let it be known that you are interested by body language or you can simply ask. The reason people shy away from the second method is fear of rejection. There are three possible results of this direct method which are yes, no or maybe. Maybe is the difficult one as a maybe might be a polite way of saying no or might require persistence.

Ask again and see if your question generates a better response than before if not that usually suggests a no. Always be polite when asking make sure your partner is adult, eligible and they are not otherwise committed. Reading the signs of body language takes a great deal of practice. as it varies according to personality. Once you get into the dating scene you will become better at reading the signals. Finally never be offended by a rejection The other person is likely flattered that you asked even if they decline the offer

2 Don’t always judge a book by its cover

In all genders we tend to initially judge people by superficial things like appearance smell and sound of voice. However sexual attraction can develop over time. Many relationships have blossomed when the partners get to know one another. Be prepared to ask out people who aren’t initially very attractive

3 Safety

Much dating these days originates on line so you can’t always judge who you will be meeting. I suggest following the basic rules of safe dating. Firstly do not send money or financial details to anyone you haven’t met especially if they want you to help them enter your country. When you do meet, make your first date in a public place and not on private property. There is a a big difference between speaking to someone on line and dating them, so be very careful.

4 Type of date

I would recommend that your first date is for talking, eating and drinking only. If you are an ardent clubber or love hang gliding keep that for the second date. Heavy loud music events stop you hearing and speaking to the person and suggesting hang gliding won’t work if they are nervous about heights.

5 Get a balance of conversation

Most dates are about balance. It is good to ask your date about themselves as it shows you are not self centred and opinionated. However if you keep talking about them they are getting little out of the date. They want to know about you so tell them about what you are doing, interests extra . Then revert to them

6 Look good

There are two reasons to look your best. The first is make you feel confident and the second is make yourself as attractive as possible. Looking good is only one area to work on. Smell and the way that you speak are as important. Different communities like different appearances but some things are almost universal. Be bathed or showered and wear a good deodorant perfume or aftershave. Keep your teeth clean with fresh breath. Avoid very strong spicy food before the date unless you know your partner is eating similar food. Keep your hair groomed and if a man is losing his hair, it is best to keep it very short (if not shaved) as it looks a lot more tidy. Dress for the occasion usually smart casual with well fitting clothes that are clean and ironed .

7 Find common ground

Probably the most important thing to consider if you want a second date is to get your date to feel relaxed in your presence. You must look for common ground during conversation. This skill can be developed through asking the right questions but don’t bombard your date or they will think it is an interrogation. Interests, passions, family and background are usually better than asking them their work. If they want to talk about work then it is probably one of their passions or frustrations. You will need to find something that you can relate to within their interest set.. I know differences attract but those differences will not work until sone similarities have been established.

8 Payment

The idea of the traditional gender role where it comes to payment is changing. Many relationships do not fall into heterosexual constraints so who pays is a matter of negotiation . If your partner insists on paying their half of any bill generated by the date ,let them. Often a split payment is a sign that the date hasn’t decided they want a further date. This takes the pressure off and avoids a sense of obligation to further interaction

9 Age

I know you hear of relationships between individuals of very different ages but this is unusual. In one sense dating is the numbers game and it is best to date within fifteen years of your age. Generations have a very different take on things so you will struggle to find common ground with someone thirty years older or younger. What ever aged adult you are there are others of a similar age you can become attracted to so keep it fairly close if you can.

10 Time

Unless there is immediate chemistry. I suggest you keep your first date short. People put a lot of emotional energy into dating and will need time to process the event. If things seem to be working out ,l keep in contact prior to arranging a second date. When both of you have had a chance to reflect arranging a second date will give you a better perspective on future events.

Finally all the information above is only general . Individuals like so many different things in others, humour, confidence, kindness ,assertiveness and a good listener. Each personality is unique but we are naturally “wired up” for relationships. What ever you feel about yourself, be assured that there are people who will like you as you are .

Good Luck

Peter.

Published inSelf development

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